Not Knowing

Gateless Gate case 47, the verse:

In one consciousness, we see the whole of eternity;

Eternity is nothing other than right now.

If you see through this one consciousness at this moment,

You see through the one who is seeing right now.

When we see this version of reality as now, the potential of all is-ness as the absolute stillness of vivid presence, we see as our eternal self, from our original face, as our essential nature. There are not two. There is only one that is zero. We’ve had a glimpse of what it is to be aware of awareness as awareness itself. We’ve seen the cosmos as the dreamlike arising of this moment containing all moments, time, and space.

But we haven’t seen ourself.

We’ve seen the formation of the universe from the spark of every possibility as a pregnant emptiness, whole, complete and motionless. Nothing exists outside this reality which contains every possible reality. Everything is known absolutely, instantly, and in perfect clarity.

But we haven’t known ourself.

We are a great paradox. We wake up to what we are, not knowing what we are because what we are can’t be known. We are what we are. We aren’t something, some concept, anything that is knowable apart from what is known as what we are. Isn’t it wonderfully perplexing? Doesn’t this truth cause your mind to spin out, turn flips and scream in frustration? Good. The next glimpse is arising.

When we embrace not knowing while pursuing what we are with all we are and then discovering what we are, something breaks. The mind is blown, and all that remains is our original self experiencing is-ness as itself. I’ve read Nirvana means “mind-blowing,” like blowing out a candle or like a breeze carrying away the smoke. I didn’t understand before, but maybe I’m getting a clue now. Not knowing is mind-blowing.