Years ago I was flying an event as a test pilot evaluating and measuring the response of a new aircraft under adverse conditions. The aircraft was a F/A-18E/F Super Hornet (the Navy's newest fighter jet at the time) and the test was to simulate loosing an engine while launching off the aircraft carrier. As I slowed down in airspeed, loosing an engine was more difficult to control. On the last test point I couldn't control the aircraft anymore. The aircraft departed i.e. the aircraft rolled upside down and I wasn't in control. My starting altitude for the test maneuver was 2000 ft (pretty low). Upside down, out of control and that close to the water, my first instinct was to eject. A lot happened in just a few seconds. The details are pretty boring and technical (unless you are pilot). In the end I didn't eject but I did miss hitting the water by only a few feet. That was an extremely intense day sprinkled with moments of sheer terror. Almost crashing a jet is a pretty serious life event. Today many of the details of that day are a little foggy but the intensity of that moment is still with me.
Wonder why we like to dress up and go to costume parties? We like to pretend to be someone else.
Pretending to be someone else is liberating. We have a sense of peace and freedom when we aren't trying to be ourself but instead get to be something else. We expend a tremendous amount of energy pretending to be "me." It takes a lot of work. We are constantly checking to see if the "me" we want to project is the "me" that others see. We seek confirmation and praise. We want to be noticed. We are very self-conscious. We believe the "self" is the "me" we think we are. Being "me" is so important, or is it?
The still small voice. The still small voice… of silence. Awareness does not speak, there is no form to speak. Awareness is formless. In consciousness there is only consciousness. “We” discover what “we” are the awareness aware of awareness. We are like an eyeball that can’t see itself but is very aware of the presence…
As the ego, we are telling ourselves a story. We are believing we are the story. We are most often asleep to the truth that we are not the story but the awareness that is experiencing the story. I know this kind of language is difficult to process and can actually create more confusion. As the ego, we want to plan and control. The ego's purpose is to plan and control. It is a survival mechanism that is ultimately trying to avoid death. When we begin to wake up, the ego will want to take ownership of the awakening and try to "do" something to awaken (or at least take credit for the awakening). But we are not the ego. The awakening is leaving the ego behind. An ego can't wake up. The absence of a false identity is the waking up experience. It is like something leaves that has always been there and the space that remains is our true self, the divine awareness "we" are. The "am-ness" of the I am.
In these posts I often refer to consciousness or awareness as the divine presence or the divine itself. And there we are again. When I use the word "itself" I've reduced the infinite to something finite. The mind will attempt to make concepts of the formless. It must. It is a manifestation of the formless that categorizes forms as a survival mechanism for the manifested form to interact with the world of forms.
And there we are again trying to create another form to describe the indescribable.
Still, you are not form. Your form is a manifestation of your formless essence. Why? So you might experience forms to know the formless. How? How is it that we can experience and know the formless in the world of forms? Awareness. Awareness is what we are. We are like a singular eye that sees and experiences the world as a perceived seer. When we look as this singular eye to see ourself...we can't. The eye cannot see itself but it is aware that it is. In the absolute, there is no eye to see. There is just the act of seeing. This is the awareness that you are, the "I am" that reduces to just the "am" or beingness.
When the collective consciousness of humankind is lost to the egoic illusory identity, it resists what IS in a powerful way. We become very busy beavers. We are judging everything as acceptable or unacceptable based on conditioning and a separate-self illusion. It can take the form of inserting so many boards into the stream we create a dam. We stop the flow of the stream of life in an attempt to control the stream of life....
Our collective consciousness dams are our structures and organizations and paradigms. They take the form of religion and political parties and even nations. We will dam up with intensity to try to change the flow of the river. Consciousness is lost to the illusion of the dream and is trying to change the course of the dream when it doesn't remember it is the dreamer. The flow of life brings opportunity for the form to awaken to the formless. Along the life cycle of the river there will be droughts and dams and flood stage flows. So even the dams, the egoic insistence on control, the resistance to what IS, will create a sanctuary for consciousness to survive the illusion of the dream. At some point, the flow of consciousness increases and the dams are broken. The flow of life returns to its natural course....
Life has a flow. Life is living. We are life...not the "my life" we've been conditioned to believe in. No, the eternal life we are. Life moves and conforms and changes and finds a way to its infinite oneness. It's like a stream finding its way down the mountain, into the river and ultimately into the ocean. Life finds a way around the rocks and through the gorges. It carves a path through the deltas, merging with more and more of itself.
Life is consciousness finding itself. It is awareness becoming aware of awareness. It is divine waking from the dream. It is form realizing the formless. Consciousness, unconscious as form, becomes conscious of consciousness. Every turn, every bolder, every twist and rapid and waterfall is opportunity for the awakening of the dreamer from the dream. Once awake, the form enjoys the ride down the stream, into the river, finding peace in the vastness of the ocean.
WE are that life, that extension of the formless, that consciousness, that awareness. We are not just our form. We are not a person living a "my life." We are the observer of eternal life as a form experiencing the form of formlessness. We are the stream, the river and the ocean. Our form is on a journey of discovery, experience and awakening. We are waking up to life. We are waking up to what IS. As a form we might say we are like this paper boat traveling down the stream:
Before there was a beginning, there was just the divine. Before there was time, there was only “God.” Before there was form, there was only the formless. Within the formless, forms came into being as a natural expression of the formless.
In the beginning the divine manifested as the heavens and the earth. The heavens were the divine truth. The earth was the physical manifestation of the divine. The earth was formless. It had no separateness but was one formless form. Then divine consciousness entered the cosmos of forms. God said “let there be light.” This consciousness began to take the form of all the substance of the cosmos.
Time began. Consciousness divided itself. Day and night came into being. Matter took shape. Consciousness as the earth divided itself. There was water and there was dry land. Consciousness divided itself further to be plants and animals and living things. Consciousness then took the form of what we call humans. These humans were special since consciousness could become aware of itself in the human form. Man walked with God in the garden.
Then consciousness in human form further divided itself into concepts and ideas and labels. Man named the plants and animals. Consciousness in human form became aware of self. Man needed a partner. Man needed community as it became aware of self. Then mankind took the concept of self and created self-centeredness. Man walked with God in the garden as a centered self and then “fell” into the world of self-centered. Good and bad were created as the self-centered preferred one thing over another. The apple was pleasing to the eye.
Consciousness became unconscious. Death became real. The illusion of a separate self was born. The identity with the body/mind took the place of awareness. The seeds of consciousness became the illusion. The dreamer forgot it was dreaming.
And this was as it should be.
When the ego is constricted or constrained or squeezed, it will respond. The ego's job is to respond to conflict in order for the biological unit to survive. Consciousness focuses its attention on the form and through the form. "God" can't help but willingly give "himself" to the identity of form because "God is love." The dreamer looses himself in the character of the dream. Like the prodigal son story, the father willingly gives himself (his inheritance and identity) to the son so the son can take his journey of discovery to find himself as the son of the father.
When the ego or the false self or the illusory identity is constricted the response is to either grow stronger as an ego (the sun is still resisting the gravity within) or the ego will collapse (gravity wins and a Supernova is born). Many who have awakened did so as a result of great tragedy or trauma or fear or collapse of their egoic identity. The stronger ego will continue the cycle until it collapses (maybe in another life or just prior to physical death). With the collapsed ego, awareness emerges through the physical form as the "light of the world" Jesus described.
The divine only knows one thing because the divine is all there is. God is all there is and there is no other. The natural state of awareness is to be intently aware. The natural state of consciousness is to be fully consciousness. God only knows oneness because oneness is all that there is.
By design, the formless manifests as form to experience the formlessness of form. God becomes a character in a dream to know dreaming in a dream. Awareness becomes form to experience awareness as awareness. In our moments of Attention! Attention! Attention! we are experiencing our true nature...only one.