Pointers to the formless: MEMORIES

Years ago I was flying an event as a test pilot evaluating and measuring the response of a new aircraft under adverse conditions.  The aircraft was a F/A-18E/F Super Hornet (the Navy's newest fighter jet at the time) and the test was to simulate loosing an engine while launching off the aircraft carrier.  As I slowed down in airspeed, loosing an engine was more difficult to control.  On the last test point I couldn't control the aircraft anymore.  The aircraft departed i.e. the aircraft rolled upside down and I wasn't in control.  My starting altitude for the test maneuver was 2000 ft  (pretty low).  Upside down, out of control and that close to the water, my first instinct was to eject.  A lot happened in just a few seconds.  The details are pretty boring and technical (unless you are pilot).  In the end I didn't eject but I did miss hitting the water by only a few feet.  That was an extremely intense day sprinkled with moments of sheer terror.  Almost crashing a jet is a pretty serious life event.  Today many of the details of that day are a little foggy but the intensity of that moment is still with me.